For partners

If you are here, you have probably noticed that something has changed. She sleeps badly, gets irritated more easily, seems tired all the time, or simply says she does not recognize herself. And you are not sure what to do.

I was not sure either. This section exists because I went through it alongside my wife, and because almost everything written about menopause speaks only to women. The people beside them need to understand too.

What I wish I had known sooner

• It is not personal. Irritability, tears and fatigue can have a lot to do with the hormonal changes of this stage. It is not a lack of love or goodwill.
• She is probably already blaming herself. For her weight, her desire, her mood. She does not need another judgment. She needs someone on her side.
• Listening beats fixing. Often the best answer is "I'm here", not a solution.
• Information helps you both. Reading about what is happening takes away the mystery and changes the conversation.
• Sharing the load is care. Home, children, ageing parents: this stage often arrives when the load is heaviest. Taking on more is a concrete form of support.
• Come along, if she wants. Go with her to an appointment, help her note down symptoms, ask how it went.

More articles for partners are on the way. Start by understanding the stages.